I've been trying so hard to get away from this world....
From the world of reality...
Have u heard of ''The higher u climb the harder u fall '' ?
Yes...
Things like that always happen to me...
I have no idea how many times I cried...
How many times I broke down all this long....
The pain inside is killing me deeply...
I thought I was weak...
But I was wrong...
All these problems I had...
Made me grow stronger...
I used to cry before I sleep...
I used to cry in my dreams....
I used to cry when I'm awake...
Tears....
They represent thousand of words...
They represent...
Sadness...
Anger...
Disappointment....
I learn not to cry often....
I learn not to put so much hope on something or someone...
I learn to stand on my feet whenever I fall...
I was on MSN the other day...
Chatting with one of my old friend...
Dint met her for 3 yrs now...
I was stunned when I chat with her...
Guess what?
She's totally different...
She told me she read my blog...
She encourage me to be bad...
Encourage me to try smoking...
Encourage me to be a playgirl...
Encourage me to ' USE ' guys...
I was shocked....
She's not like that before....
She used to be a good girl..
I remember her telling me how much she hate ppl smoking...
I remember her telling me how much she hate those playgirls....
I remember how she used to hate and gossip about those playgirls who simply just kiss, having one nigh stand , n playing with guys feelings....
But now...
She have become one of them....
I don't hate her...
Seriously I don't....
She's still my friend...
I know why she would end up like this...
I couldn't blame her...
She really had a hard time...
Her family breaks apart...
She caught her boyfriend cheating on her....
She run away from home n live with her friends...
Now she's a hard smoker...
She couldn't live without smoking...
Cigarettes its like a tranquillizer to her...
She have to smoke at least 12 sticks of cigarette a day...
To calm her down n stuff....
She used guys...
For her transportation...
And for money spending...
I know it's the scar...
The deep heartbreaks...
The sadness she had turns her like tat....
She might sounds strong or looks strong...
but I know deep inside...
She's not...
The fragile heart she born with...
It's always there inside...
She do admit that she's different n bad now...
but she have no regrets on wat she have done to herself..
She told me she was happy with her life..
Imagine if one day I'm like her...
Would I end up happy too?
After I blog about me planning to be a bad girl...
They are quite lots of ppl suggested me trying to be bad...
Which kinda shocked me tho...
They're like....
'U too guai lui ady la... try to be bad n see how it feels la..perhaps u'll like it...'
Of course they are people who told me not to be so stupid to go ahead n 'destroy' myself too... I should love myself n be proud of myself....
But seriously....
Because I'm a good girl and all....
They are real life ppl out there who really used me...
betray me...
lie to me...
take advantage of me..
accuse me....
I loose hope on friends, love n family...
I'm really tired of getting sad....
Getting heartbreaks...
Getting pissed...
I cant take this pain anymore...
Whether I'm turning bad or not...
I know they are no guarantees that I might feel better or happy....
No one can see the future...
No one can predict wat's gonna happen....
I don't wan to turn bad too...
It isn't my thing at all....
I wan to continue being a good girl as I promised...
All I need it's just love, care n support...
I really just wanna be happy....